"If I stay" was my latest read. I have to say, it was well written and very intriguing idea. It is told through the eyes of Mia a teenager with a very old soul. She has to decide if she wants to live or die (go or stay) while being caught in some sort of limbo between life and death. 

She does this by revisiting memories shared with her loved ones. Most of them circle around her boyfriend. The book give an interesting look at what death might be like for someone that doesn't immediately assume there are pearly gates in Heaven that you get to stroll through. 

She admits in the book that she never really got into religion so this is a different outlook for people that might not be Christian.

 I personally don't mind religious themes in books, although I rarely choose them. There is a sequel to this book called, "Where She Went"  I have no idea if that includes any religious references, but I will probably read it regardless. I do wish the book would have went into a little more detail on her mourning the loss of her family. It feels like there was a missed opportunity for what could have been some amazing prose. I do recommend this book if you are into YA. Worth the read, but I wouldn't read it twice.

                        Now go read something....

My thoughts on "Its Kind of a Funny Story" by Ned Vizzini

This was a very easy read, and very entertaining. I have suffered with depression/anxiety myself and can say, his thoughts were realistic. They weren't hyped up or over-dramatized. They were spot on accurate and that makes this a book I would suggest reading. It's not just interesting for someone that has battled depression, it would be a great read for anyone. Witty and laugh out loud funny during some parts. I love any book that brings on emotions that strongly.

   It is common knowledge that Ned Vizzini committed suicide on Dec. 19, 2013. He jumped from the top of the building his parents live in. He left behind a wife and a young son. Its tragic, but what alarmed me most was the insensitivity concerning his suicide. I read too many comments that said, "What a selfish man! Only a selfish person could commit suicide, especially when they have a small child that they know it will affect."
   I am no expert, but I will, as usual tell you my opinion on this subject. I DO NOT think suicide is a selfish act, not in the sense people think it is anyway.

   I think it might be selfish in a benign way, as in all you can think about is making the pain stop, and you honestly feel there are no other options. It becomes less and less of a choice and more of the only solution. People that commit suicide do not want to leave their families or children behind. I am sure there are some people sick enough to want to do this, to make others suffer, but I don't think that is the majority of suicides. Not by a long shot.
   I do NOT endorse suicide or suicide ideation. But I do understand struggling, being pushed to the ends of your mind and not able to fix yourself. Having a great support system is great, but it isn't a game changer, not in my opinion. Depression is a disease. Just like any other disease, except it is invisible, but that doesn't change the fact that sometimes, it is a fatal, incurable disease. It can be treated, but I don't honestly think it gets cured. IT is always in the back of your mind, some days putting up more of a fight to be acknowledged than others, but you never forget it. You can't just 'change your mindset' and move on. There are pills, lots of pills that can be given, and I know for a fact some are very effective. But it is different for every single person and that makes it even harder to treat.
   I just think we survivors, no matter if you are the diagnosed, or the suffering the loss of someone that took their own life because of it, we need to forgive. We need to push the boundries of understanding and realize that they couldn't take it anymore and now they are free. They miss life, but theirs wasn't a life where you can enjoy the normal things we enjoy on a daily basis. Sometimes life is hard, too hard. Sometimes people can't handle it, its a tragedy, but a part of mental illness. Lets just strive for understanding.

Thirteen Reasons Why, by Jay Asher...my opinion.

OK, so I finished Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher. It was a good book. It helps you to understand how delicate teenagers really are concerning rumors and their self-esteem. On a scaling system involving five stars, I would give it 3, barely. The best thing about this book is the formatting. Jay Asher did a wonderful job writing the book.  I do have to be honest though, not about Jay Asher, who I feel did the best he could with such a touchy subject, and I doubt it will be outdone. I would never read this again. I was sucked in by the reviews I have seen of the book, both online and word of mouth.
       
      Perhaps, I am a book snob. I just struggled to identify with the main characters. I did identify with Clay in the story more so than Hannah. I myself dealt with some asshole bullying when I was in school, and I also had suicidal thoughts. I went so far as to have a shoe box under my bed, or hidden in my closet filled with individual letters to my family members to try to help them understand, should I decide to follow through with it. I'm not sure what kept me from following through with it, but I am still here.  I do think maybe that is the true meaning behind this book, that some people just can't deal. I mean, that is of course an over-simplification, but it really is true.

     This book made me think, and that is always a good thing. Rather than showing that bullying is the cause of so many suicides, I think it demonstrates a pretty accurate depiction of mental illness. Everyone was going through things, but she couldn't handle it. That is the difference between people with and without mental illness.

Gone Girl

I just finished Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn.  A very good book, it is a very clear example that Gillian Flynn is very intelligent, and uses words in a very efficient way. The choppy descriptions and constant back and forth almost gave me whiplash, but I liked it. I do recommend it, but I am glad it is over.
   Also, I grow a bit tired of books having the main characters be anything less than amazing looking. It kinda gets under my skin. I have to be careful not to do that in my own writing, for some reason it just happens, and I have to go back sometimes and change it. I wouldn't want to watch a movie of Gone Girl as it would end up being a thriller version of Groundhog Day. The constant back and forth of it. That is how the mind works though, she did capture that it this book. We more than second guess ourselves. That doesn't mean I want to experience it in a book. The main character, well one of them, Amy is a pretentious sociopath that is extremely cunning and savvy. So much so that it was not believable, but that is why it is a work of fiction, I suppose. I don't mean to bad mouth the book, because I see the brilliance in it. I would never read it a second time though.
    I like books that can be read over and over again. A new book that I loved and will definitely read again is The Fault in our Stars by John Green. Simple, yet brilliant. Not too wordy, and not guiding the reader. You can follow it and your mind immediately follows the way it should, not forcefully. Just my opinion though. I am always looking for something to read. I have just started Thirteen Reasons Why, by Jay Asher, as soon as I finish, I will post what I think about it.

Oh, you're a writer, are you published?

I seriously hate that question. I am a writer and I went to purchase a new laptop the other day at Walmart and the woman that was selling it to me said, "Now this is google doc. There is no windows on this." I replied, "That's fine, I don't really like Windows and I only use it to write."
She got wide eyed and excited, "Oh, that is awesome, what do you write?"
Now I am also excited, I love talking about reading or writing, " Paranormal stuff, some thriller, and humor stuff, too."
Then she asked it, the question I hate more than anything, "So what do you have published?"
I am immediately deflated. I shouldn't be. I know inside that very few works actually get published, so there is no need to feel embarrassed about it. Its the reaction that I get when I respond with, "I haven't been published." that drives me mad. I can watch all interest they had in me leave before they take the next breath.
It can be very discouraging if I let it. I don't. I think everyone has their own definition of what makes a person a writer. Here are mine:

• You read, and you write.
• You journal, or you blog, but you write.
• You make money doing it, or you don't. You write.
• You appreciate words, so you write them.

That pretty much sums up my guidelines as to what a Writer is, just my opinion. Be easy on Writers, because they are never easy on themselves. 

Looking for things you don't want to find...

     I think everyone has done it, more now than ever. Technology makes it so easy to swim in your past. You think of someone that once made you angry. A lover, an Ex-husband, a used to be best friend that still owes you money. You get the idea. Then you feel like you hit the jack pot when you stumble across new information about people you tell yourself you have put out of your life. A picture, or a news article, and then BOOM Your moment of joy becomes a moment of sadness drenched in anger or remorse.
   I don't know if this is exclusive to women, but I doubt it. I do think women are more likely to really get deep into it though. I have heard the saying "A jealous woman can do better investigating than a FBI agent."
I believe that to be true. Why do we waste our time doing this to ourselves?  I'm guilty of it.  Many more times than I am willing to admit. I wish when we move on from people , we did actually move on. There are moments when we feel like we do, but even if it takes years, it creeps back in.
    I wonder if we expect the person we are stalking to have some how stayed in place, right where we left them? There would be some pleasure in that I think. So do we ever really let go of someone? Is that actually possible? Does the internet and social media make that harder?